Where have I been?!??! A traggically funny post.

No picture?  No.  Why?  Because...

Because something went tragically wrong at the North Pole.  Now, if you've ordered letters from North Pole Secretary, most of you will laugh because your letters are fine.  However, I anticipate that several will be annoyed at this post.  For good reason.  Please, it is only after complete anguish of soul and sorrow that I have found the humor in the North Pole Tragedy of 2009.

You see... I'ts been a week or so since I've posted.  Why?  Well, last Monday I received an email from a customer.  It seemed the letters arrived but mentioned something about her kid being in day care and calling her other child by the wrong gender.  She wondered if she had filled out the information mistakenly or if it had been a blunder on the part of the North Pole.  Gratefully, this dearheart was a blogging friend that I knew.

Upon investigating, I found that indeed the North Pole had made an error on her letter.... and about oh.... many others.  Too many.  Somehow the database for the first 60 letters was jumbled for just one field.  What's one field right?  Well, it's everything to a business.  It just so happened that the data field that got jumbled was the "Accomplishments" field.  This is the field where Santa recognizes a kiddo for the great things they did during the year (positive reinforcement by the Big Guy.).  Well, it's great to be recognized for doing good..... like, "You were such a good big sister to baby Alex this year!"  Yep, that's a great statement unless it goes to a boy... and it did.

Here are some of the whopper goofs of the North Pole Secretary Tragedy of 2009:

  • "You did such a good job going pee pee in the potty!"..... sent to an 8 year old girl (there were several of these.... bowing my head in shame.)
  • "You were so good this year and I hear you're getting the braces off your legs!".... sent to someone who has never had braces on their legs.
  • "I'm so proud that you were able to raise enough money to buy a cow for a family in Rowanda!".... poor children are wondering why they never saw the money, or the cow... where's Rowanda, they ask.
  • "You were such a good helper to mommy and were a super boy in daycare"... sent to a girl, NOT attending daycare... NOT even daycare age.
Now, somewhere out there children did hear suprisingly fantastic news:
  • "Congratulations on getting straight A's this year!  You've been a wonderful student.".... lucky kid will have explaining to do when report cards come out.
  • "You have done such an amazing job at learning your letters and numbers this year!"... 9 year old...
  • "You've done a very fine job as singing this year!"... this parent had a cover-up that perfectly meshed with the goofy letter.
  • "You have been so good in Kindergarten this year!  Your reading is amazing!".... and it ought to be because that 3 year old girl is a wonder if indeed she's reading and in Kindergarten.
So how does one go about cleaning up a disaster as large as the North Pole Tragedy of 2009?  Well, after sending an email to all of my clients (to which I only had 5 replies back.... still wondering how that happened) I reprinted the letters correctly and sent them from Arizona.  Only a few clients would have got these in time but it was worth it.  On the outside of the letter I printed a note.... 

Summary:  Oh Santa made a terrible mistake!  I am so embarrassed.  After I sent your letter I received word that all of the computers at the North Pole caught a naughty computer virus and my database that holds all of the information for my Naughty and Nice list was jumbled and tumbled upside down and inside out.  The information it showed me about the great things you did this year was all wrong!!  That's why your letter may have seemed a bit goofy.  Well, thanks to Edwin the Jr. Elf in charge of the Worldwide Database of Naughty and Nice girls and boys, all is well again here at the North Pole.  Edwin fixed the database and gave me the correct report about the great things they saw you doing in 2009.  I went back to my computer and found your letter and fixed it so you could see that we've been keeping good records and notice all the great things you do!

In addition to sending out a fixed letter we're sending out post cards to those kiddos reminding them to be good for next year.  Still, restitution is difficult and will never be able to fully fix the blunder.  I could see visions of parents having "The Talk" with their kids... I think this talk will be more difficult for me than the sex talk.  Yes, they'll explain all about Santa and if they don't, they'll be casting him into the same category as that ditzy tooth fairy who never remembers the tooth on the first night, often leaves the money and forgets the tooth all together... cuz sometimes it's impossible to find, and sometimes she just gives up and tapes the money to the kids door.  We've already had to explain to the children about what a sweet heart the tooth fairy has but that she's a little cuckoo... exchanging all of that money for gross dirty teeth.  We pity her.

Anyhoo.... a sweet letter came through a few days ago that gave me that Christmas warm feeling from head to toe.  I had to share it....
Dear Stacey (AKA SANTA), Here is a letter from one of my girls.... Dear Santa Clause, Don't be inbarased because the devil wonts you to be inbarased. thank you for righting me the letters but say thank you to Edwin the J. Elf. Thank you for reminding me of all the good things I did. Because I forgot. Now I remember. Remember to feed those raindeer that are hardly ever full. I hope you enJoy your yummy cookies and milk. I love sugar cookies and milk. (I'd put those people that gave your camputers a virise on the Bad list to)... From, E. Mom continues: I left her errors in there to show you. I hope this brightens your day just a bit more Stacey. All is not lost and she is very excited!
So, if you dear people got one of my good letters... thank you for ordering. Your business means a lot to me and my family. IF you were a client who got a goofy letter... I am so sorry and hope these steps will rectify some of the damage. If you got a goofy letter, chances are you were a parent who did a lot of explaining or quick thinking... you're AMAZING! If you didin't get a letter this year. I promise... it's worth it. I'm not a complete dunderhead and the problem is fixed and North Pole Secretary will be back again next year. I hope.

Have a fantastic Monday!


Myrnie said...

Oh dear!!! I am so sorry that happened :o(

The JAMC Johnsons said...

Technology is so great...most of the time. Other times it is something to curse! I think you did all you could to rectify the situation. : )

Sherrie said...

OMG how awful! That must have made your stress level skyrocket before the holiday.

sa4grace said...

Oh wow- how crazy is that?? I would have completely freaked out! I supposed this is part of the "pretty" organized aspect, eh?? ;) But what a great story to tell your grandkids. Don't sweat it. Errors happen. I'm glad you're already seeing the humor in it. Whew!

Melanie said...

Okay, I loved this post. I loved how you handled it and I think you did a great job. Your human and the computer messed up. You can't help that but you did a fine job trying to fix it. It made for a good laugh. Although I know you were laughing. Hope you can now.

KatyStrattons said...

Hello. I am the one who got the letter about my son finally getting his leg braces off. And I didn't miss a beat in reading something else to my non-reading 4 year old. I thought it was a hoot. I knew in an instant that it was a computer malfunction. The letter was fantastic and I was very thankful that my mother-in-law got them for my children. They were delighted. Merry belated Christmas and a Happy New Year. I love your blog.

elise said...

Hi Jane,

I laughed so hard I cried. You are so funny and honest. Under the circumstances it's allowed. Like Mary Poppins said, Practically perfect in everyway. ;)

MaRiN said...

Well, my son was one of those who got a goofy letter but he is too young to read so I fixed the errors upon reading it to him. He did receive a corrected letter, which I really appreciate! He even got it before Christmas. You did an awesome job as N.P. Secretary!

Kathy's Red Door Welcome said...

Just goes to show you...Santa isn't perfect either. ho!ho!ho!

Lori at The Davidson Den said...

This gave me such a huge laugh!!! (Not so much at your expense as just how very cute YOUR attempt at righting the wrong was and the sweet letter from "E.") I think the whole thing is awesome. :)

Karen said...

Bless your heart. I know this weighed heavy on you and glad you are handling it well now. Surely that sweet letter from the child has made this all better. We all know these computers are a blessing...most of the time. I know everyone is looking forward to next year's letters!!
Ladybug Creek

Carrie said...

I also read something different as soon as I saw one line was written somewhat incorrectly.

My kids will never know. I just wish you could see their excitement when they realized Santa sent them a letter. Your service was an irreplaceable moment at our house this Christmas, so thank you.

Oh, and you can check out my latest post for the "O!" face moment when they realized they had a letter from Santa on the fridge. We had taken them for hot chocolate at Starbucks and when we got back, they had magically appeared. Priceless I tell you.!


Deidra said...

Wow! I love that you're able to laugh at this! And what a sweet letter you received! The letters are a great idea! I hope you'll do it again next year.

Meredith said...

I felt really bad when I had to email and tip you off (I was the one who sent the first inquiry). I started to realize what a headache it may be for you. But you did a fantastic job handling it. My girls all loved their letters and both versions made it into our Christmas scrapbook. We will be forever customers!!! Love ya NP Sec!

duchess said...

I am so sorry that happened to you, but I have just had a great laugh session. I have tears running down my face & I needed that. When I picture those parents reading the letters with the kids....it just cracks me up.

Anonymous said...

You had me laughing til I cried. hahahahahahahaha!!!

I'm sorry it was your business, hopefully this will be something you can always look back at and laugh.

I keep thinking about the one who was told he got straight A's, and the quote, "Santa I can explain".

Thanks for the laugh;-)

visiting from BNOTP

Pam said...

Helllooooo...(tap, tap) Anybody home? Just checking in to make sure everything is OK. I've been missing you around blog land lately. Hope all is well with you and your family.


Becky said...

miss your daily blogging!

ajandkj said...

Did your blog move? It shows you haven't posted since 12/27/09. I just realized how long it's been since I last read your enjoyable blog. If you moved could you send me an update for your new site?



Rachel said...

We miss you Miss Pretty!!! Hope everything is well with you all.

Yvonne @ StoneGable said...

Oh Santa, This is such a funny, tragic and heartwarming story! This just goes to show ya', even Santa isn't perfect!
Loved the story!

Laura said...

This is hysterical! I am laughing so hard!!!

I know YOU may not have been laughing when you realized the mistake, but you obviously fixed it like a pro and this post was the best read of my evening.

Thanks for the laugh - even if it was at your expense. :)

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