Because something went tragically wrong at the North Pole. Now, if you've ordered letters from North Pole Secretary, most of you will laugh because your letters are fine. However, I anticipate that several will be annoyed at this post. For good reason. Please, it is only after complete anguish of soul and sorrow that I have found the humor in the North Pole Tragedy of 2009.
You see... I'ts been a week or so since I've posted. Why? Well, last Monday I received an email from a customer. It seemed the letters arrived but mentioned something about her kid being in day care and calling her other child by the wrong gender. She wondered if she had filled out the information mistakenly or if it had been a blunder on the part of the North Pole. Gratefully, this dearheart was a blogging friend that I knew.
Upon investigating, I found that indeed the North Pole had made an error on her letter.... and about oh.... many others. Too many. Somehow the database for the first 60 letters was jumbled for just one field. What's one field right? Well, it's everything to a business. It just so happened that the data field that got jumbled was the "Accomplishments" field. This is the field where Santa recognizes a kiddo for the great things they did during the year (positive reinforcement by the Big Guy.). Well, it's great to be recognized for doing good..... like, "You were such a good big sister to baby Alex this year!" Yep, that's a great statement unless it goes to a boy... and it did.
Here are some of the whopper goofs of the North Pole Secretary Tragedy of 2009:
- "You did such a good job going pee pee in the potty!"..... sent to an 8 year old girl (there were several of these.... bowing my head in shame.)
- "You were so good this year and I hear you're getting the braces off your legs!".... sent to someone who has never had braces on their legs.
- "I'm so proud that you were able to raise enough money to buy a cow for a family in Rowanda!".... poor children are wondering why they never saw the money, or the cow... where's Rowanda, they ask.
- "You were such a good helper to mommy and were a super boy in daycare"... sent to a girl, NOT attending daycare... NOT even daycare age.
Now, somewhere out there children did hear suprisingly fantastic news:
- "Congratulations on getting straight A's this year! You've been a wonderful student.".... lucky kid will have explaining to do when report cards come out.
- "You have done such an amazing job at learning your letters and numbers this year!"... 9 year old...
- "You've done a very fine job as singing this year!"... this parent had a cover-up that perfectly meshed with the goofy letter.
- "You have been so good in Kindergarten this year! Your reading is amazing!".... and it ought to be because that 3 year old girl is a wonder if indeed she's reading and in Kindergarten.
So how does one go about cleaning up a disaster as large as the North Pole Tragedy of 2009? Well, after sending an email to all of my clients (to which I only had 5 replies back.... still wondering how that happened) I reprinted the letters correctly and sent them from Arizona. Only a few clients would have got these in time but it was worth it. On the outside of the letter I printed a note....
Summary: Oh Santa made a terrible mistake! I am so embarrassed. After I sent your letter I received word that all of the computers at the North Pole caught a naughty computer virus and my database that holds all of the information for my Naughty and Nice list was jumbled and tumbled upside down and inside out. The information it showed me about the great things you did this year was all wrong!! That's why your letter may have seemed a bit goofy. Well, thanks to Edwin the Jr. Elf in charge of the Worldwide Database of Naughty and Nice girls and boys, all is well again here at the North Pole. Edwin fixed the database and gave me the correct report about the great things they saw you doing in 2009. I went back to my computer and found your letter and fixed it so you could see that we've been keeping good records and notice all the great things you do!
In addition to sending out a fixed letter we're sending out post cards to those kiddos reminding them to be good for next year. Still, restitution is difficult and will never be able to fully fix the blunder. I could see visions of parents having "The Talk" with their kids... I think this talk will be more difficult for me than the sex talk. Yes, they'll explain all about Santa and if they don't, they'll be casting him into the same category as that ditzy tooth fairy who never remembers the tooth on the first night, often leaves the money and forgets the tooth all together... cuz sometimes it's impossible to find, and sometimes she just gives up and tapes the money to the kids door. We've already had to explain to the children about what a sweet heart the tooth fairy has but that she's a little cuckoo... exchanging all of that money for gross dirty teeth. We pity her.
Anyhoo.... a sweet letter came through a few days ago that gave me that Christmas warm feeling from head to toe. I had to share it....
Dear Stacey (AKA SANTA), Here is a letter from one of my girls.... Dear Santa Clause, Don't be inbarased because the devil wonts you to be inbarased. thank you for righting me the letters but say thank you to Edwin the J. Elf. Thank you for reminding me of all the good things I did. Because I forgot. Now I remember. Remember to feed those raindeer that are hardly ever full. I hope you enJoy your yummy cookies and milk. I love sugar cookies and milk. (I'd put those people that gave your camputers a virise on the Bad list to)... From, E. Mom continues: I left her errors in there to show you. I hope this brightens your day just a bit more Stacey. All is not lost and she is very excited!So, if you dear people got one of my good letters... thank you for ordering. Your business means a lot to me and my family. IF you were a client who got a goofy letter... I am so sorry and hope these steps will rectify some of the damage. If you got a goofy letter, chances are you were a parent who did a lot of explaining or quick thinking... you're AMAZING! If you didin't get a letter this year. I promise... it's worth it. I'm not a complete dunderhead and the problem is fixed and North Pole Secretary will be back again next year. I hope.
Have a fantastic Monday!