Wanted: Potty Jedi Master

Help! My house has been taken over by Storm Poopers! If you want to know a for sure non-hormone, non-invasive, and surgery-free method of birth control I have it.... potty training. Yes, today marks Day 1 of my last ever potty training sentence. I'd like to say that after 6 kids I've got this potty thing down pat. I'd like to tell you some sure fire no stress method of getting your kiddo to sit on that modern wonder of sanitary convenience and do his business but I can't.

You see, children are different. With 6 kids I've done it all, read every book, heard every theory, bought every drink, dispensed every treat, penciled every chart and cleaned up more potty than is descent to discuss in blogland. Some kids wake up and decide that today is the day they want to be big and train themselves (for the record, none of them were mine), others enjoy the training game and play right along.... and there are the "other" ones; THOSE are mine.

So what CAN I tell you about potty training?
  1. It takes time (just short of forever... but you live through it).
  2. Naked days aren't just for laundry relief... most kids have an aversion to peeing on the carpet and are more aware of their bowels without the undies. I just let 'em streak for a few days and set the potty in the middle of the room.
  3. Every kid has an Achilles' Heel. There is a bribe for every child: Cowboy Boots, Barbies, Princess "stuff", Stickers. My 2nd son wouldn't poop on the toilet and drove us crazy until we offered him mini M&M packs for every poop... done! Unfortunately, you don't figure out that bribe until you've experienced every form of desperation.
  4. Plan on packing a diaper bag again. Only this time it's an underwear bag and it goes everywhere. Pack wipes, lots of bags, extra undies and clothing (don't forget socks... they often get wet) and some chocolate to keep you sane for after you've laundered dirty undies in the grocery store restroom toilet.
  5. Don't even bother yelling or getting mad. I tell you this hoping to finish this post BEFORE the lightening strikes me. Yelling at your kids just make him/her confused. Love their little stinky bottoms through it. Love 'em while you clean up the mess. Encourage them while you run that 14th load of laundry for the day. Smile at them when they emerge from under the table with a guilty look on their face... just love them because they don't get it when we're mad.

Yes, though it seems like eternity it does pass. It passes sooner than you think and pretty soon those little wet pants are now dry ones entering 8th grade with a size 10.5 men's shoe and 2 inches taller than you. It all passes so fast. So dear readers, I'm off for my last duel with the Storm Poopers and hoping my kid will become DryWalker before I expire.


Melissa Miller said...

Oh my goodness! What a cute and informative post. Good luck with number six.

I will certainly pass this info on to my sister. She's about to start training Noah and pregnant with a second boy.

Have a blessed day.
~Warmly, Melissa :)

Carri said...

Good luck with potty training. Maybe this time will be easier. You seem to be a professional.

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Good post!!! I gave up with my oldest. All my friends were bragging about how their girls were potty trained, and I had a two and a half year old who was NOT interested. We went to Bible study at church one morning, and she just decided that she was ready. Came home, did everything she needed to, and only a handful of accidents in the year since. With my youngest, I'm not going to stress about it!! :)

kimmcl said...

OMG! Funniest picture I ever saw. Seriously.

Kelsee said...

Great post! We are experiencing this with my 2 year old. We just discovered the right bribe for her to go #2 on the potty last night after weeks of trying different things. She needs a sign that says, "Will poo for ice cream cones!" Thank you for the encouragement. This is my first time doing it and I feel like I've been camping out in the bathroom for weeks now. Sigh, this too shall pass. Thanks you! -Kelsee

Katie said...

trying to potty train my 2 year old twin girls right now. They were doing okay until I brought home baby #3 2 weeks ago. They haven't been interested since. Why didn't I think to put the potties in the middle of the livingroom as a constant reminder? Thanks for that!

HeathahLee said...

That is one phase of life I am glad I don't have to enter into ever again. (Said, hoping God does not use His perfect sense of humor to bless me with another child when I'm 40!)

Carrie said...

OH my word! That picture of the storm "pooper" just made my day!!!

I'm convinced that potty training is from the devil! :)

Kelly said...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for this post. I have been potty training my 2nd child since June and am pulling my hair out. She gets her panties wet all the time. I'm glad someone else understands.

Sarah said...

We are currently in potty training hell with my 2 year old daughter. I feel your pain!
It'll pass soon enough, and I can't wait!

Pretty Organizer said...

Ya'll are cracking me up! Just an update for today. 2 Accidents and 9 successes. I think the Force is with us. Little girl has told me every time she has to go. Clearly the planets are aligned... unfortunately, we haven't seen any sign of a Storm Pooper... she did that this morning before I introduced the panties! I'll let you know tomorrow:)

Samantha said...

Good luck with #6. I'm done with #3 and so far there isn't a #4, so maybe I'm done? My biggest potty training tips are:
Wait for your child to be ready. You certainly can train a little one to sit on the potty and go, but you are also signing up for the commitment to constantly ask and constantly take them, so it's more training you than them. If you wait for them to really have the maturity, it's a lot less work for mom and a lot more responsibility on their part. And for us, that translated to accidents being rare and they almost never happened away from home. Nice! And my second favorite tip is don't invest in expensive underwear. Get some cheap undies with cute characters that your child LOVES. When a poop accident occurs, throw that pair of undies away. Don't bother with cleaning them (ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!). Just share a moment of sadness with your child that those cute princess panties or cool batman undies are going to have to go in the trash. No anger, just sadness. That really helped mine think harder about getting that poop in the potty. They didn't want to lose their favorite undies.

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